Move Along
by LaurierRusee
Summary: Kendall's under so much pressure, and trying to keep everything under control but how much is too much? Just another set of schools and another set of friends, but something seems different this time around
1. New Town, New Problems

**I felt the chapter was incomplete, when I reread it, so I rewrote it**

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><p>I laid on the bed with the boxes scattered around me. This is the fifth fucking time we've moved the past two years, and I hated it. I hated moving around, and getting to know people only to leave them biting the dust. I held up my arm and looked at my yarn bracelet, leather band clad wrist, on my other was a wide rubber band. Yeah, I cut.<p>

"Kendall?" My mother's voice sounded weary and tired

"Mom, I'll unpack the rest of the boxes. Why don't you go to bed?" I asked her, she shook her head, her hair flaring around her shoulders

"No, I'll" She yawned, trying to quickly to pass it off as something else "Finish, just help with the living room" I nodded and watched as she closed the door. It's just me, her and Katie; and no dad, no father figure, no Super Dad, nothing. I got up and opened my bedroom door, to see my mother lying down on the couch asleep; I smiled and picked through boxes until I found a blanket and placed it over her. I walked past the kitchen and into the small hallway, and quietly opened Katie's door; she was asleep too, with her DS in her hand. I chuckled before closing her door and marched back into the kitchen; I picked a few boxes and I started to unpack, mostly dishes, glasses, kitchen things. As I made my way to the bottom of the box, when I noticed the small picture frame. I sighed and a flash of anger and rage ran through me. It was a picture of us, as a family and, and _him._ He was fucking dead to me, I hated him, with every ounce in my body.

"K-Kendall?" I turned around to see Katie, looking very teary eyed at me. I could tell she had that dream, the one about that bastard leaving. Her lip was out, in a pout and she was seconds away from losing it.

"Come here" She ran into my arms, and I carried her back into her room. I hated him for breaking up my family, I detested him. I could feel her sad tears soaking into my shirt, I hugged her closer.

"You know he didn't leave because of you" I whispered to her, I could feel her little head nod

"B-but…"

"No buts, because he didn't. Katie Watie Pooh" She giggled at her nickname, I made that up for her, whenever she was sad; I'd call her that and she's smile. She looked up at me and smiled.

"There's those dimples I love!" She giggled more, as I poked her cheek "Don't worry, everything'll turn out fine" I felt a pang of guilt filling her head with these half-lies, I _wasn't_ sure if everything would be okay, I _wasn't _sure if she, or my mother, or me for that fact would be okay. She hugged me tighter, and I kissed her forehead. Her arms loosened around me, and I made her settle into bed.

"Want me to tuck you in?" I asked, she smiled at me and nodded. I tucked in the blanket around her until she could barely move, she giggled as I laughed.

"I think I'm tucked in enough" She laughed, I smiled down at her

"You know, when you were a baby, I begged Mom to let me hold you. She was scared that I'd drop you, and when she did let me hold you, you cried. Me being a kid, I didn't know what to do, so I turned to her, and I said 'Mom, I think I broke the baby'" That earned a laugh from her

"Turns out, you just needed a binky change" She rolled her eyes, she hated when I called it that "But when I held you again, I didn't put you down for 4 hours" I told her, she smiled. She always loved when I told her that story, and I loved telling it; it reminded me of the good times.

"Night Kendall" She said, I smiled at her

"Night Katie" I kissed her forehead and turned off the light, and went back to unpacking the boxes. I would have school tomorrow, and even if I don't want to I have too; I've re-lived this day more times than a vampire feeds. After about 6 boxes, I decided to call it a night and plus I have to wake up at 6 tomorrow. I checked on my mom and Katie once again and then I retreated back to my own bedroom, things weren't as bad today. I set my alarm clock for 6 even though it was a few hours away, maybe tomorrow it's be better.

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><p>I woke to the sound of my alarm buzzing in my ear and realized that I was 10 minutes behind schedule. I jumped from my bed and into the shower, and quickly dressed. I smiled as I looked over myself, I always wore flannel on the first day, I don't know why I guess because it's like a safety net for me. As I was putting on my Vans, I could hear shuffling in the kitchen, I double checked my books and my bag and flung it over my shoulder as I walked out of my bedroom.<p>

"Morning Mom, Katie" I winked at her, most of the time she didn't want Mom to know about the nightmares, and I couldn't blame her.

"Morning Kendall, do you want me to drop you off at school?" She asked, I shook my head no

"I can walk, besides you'd be late for your confrontation at Katie's school" I said to her as I took a big bite of her bagel and put it back she stared at me "Love you, bye!" I called to her as I walked out the door, locking it and made my way towards the elevator. I liked elevators, but why the hell can't they play regular music? Once the doors opened, I made my way past front desk and towards the door.

"Have a nice day in school!" Called Mr. Bitters, I waved to him and set my way towards the school. I always found walking to sometime clear my head, distract me and before I knew it I was standing in front of Sienna Marrow Highschool. I shook my head and sighed as I made my way up the flights of stairs and into the building; straight to the office. I stood there as I waited for the middle aged woman to acknowledge me as she stared at her nails and mumbled occasional 'uh huh' into the phone.

"Excuse me" I said to her, and she immediately put her hand up; like I was the wrong one. I sighed and waited for her to get off the phone, not even being here for 5 minutes and I've already found someone who pisses me off.

"I need my class schedule" I told her, it was about 6:50, so I was early but still I wanted to make sure I knew where everything was.

"I asked you to wait" I started to breath deeply, she wasn't helping the anger problems that I inherited from my deatbeat father.

"Look-"

"I'm sorry about her" A woman about in her 40's approached the middle aged woman behind the desk "She's…special. I'm the assistant principal, Kylie Marsh" She introduced herself, I nodded "You are…Kendall Knight?" She asked, I smiled and nodded

"Well" She took out a folder of papers and handed them to me "Welcome to Sienna Marrow" She offered a courteous smile, and I politely smiled back at her. I opened the folder and retrieved my schedule. Homeroom was English, Math, Biology; easy enough. I spent about a good twenty minutes finding out where everything went and I went class to class making sure the route was familiar. As I was going back to the office, chastising myself for forgetting to ask about a locker, a brown haired boy walking up towards me.

"Are you Kendall?" He asked

"Depends…" I said, he laughed, and held his hand out for me to shake

"I'm Logan, Ms. Marsh said to show you around. And, she forgot to give you your lock" He said, thrusting the black lock towards me. I nodded, at him before I spoke.

"How are the kids here?" I asked him, as he walked me to my locker

"Most of us are okay, some are jackasses, like Brad DiToliono. Him and _everyone_ associated with him is a jackass" I laughed at his exaggeration in the word everyone. As I put my bag away and grabbed my books, Logan decided to show me the second floor.

"Only classes up here are U.S History and Calculus, along with the library" He said, and pointed to the big wooden doors, I nodded. The bell which is loud as fuck rang in my ear, Logan smiled

"You'll get used to it" He grabbed my wrist and I snatched away. He suddenly turned and looked at me

"I uh, a little sore" I said, and pointed to my wrist, he nodded and we rushed downstairs. I was surprised to see him sit down across from me as I sat down in English. The class started, and to be honest it was a snooze fest, something about Shakespeare or something? As the bell rang, I silently thanked God the snooze fest was over.

"Hey" I turned around to see Logan catching up to me "I didn't know you had English, what class do you have next?" He asked, I pulled out my schedule and handed it to him he smiled.

"I have every single class except for Biology" He said, then he sighed

"What?" I asked him

"Well, James has that class" He said, I raised an eyebrow to him. He sighed before explaining "James is my friend, but sometimes he can be a complete asshole" He said, I nodded "He's a nice guy once he gets to know you" It's funny how he said that the other way around. We went to math together and by the time I realized, it was time for Biology.

"Good Luck!" Logan said as he ran off to get his U.S. History Class. I sighed and walked in as students were getting settled in.

"Ah, you must be Mr. Knight, I'm Mr. Benjamin, or Mr. B. Nice to have you in my class" The man looked no more than thirty, jet black hair, I chuckled when I realized it was a fohawk "We have assigned seats in this class. Sit next to Mr. Diamond" He said, I looked to him for assistance.

"Yo, eyebrows" I breathed deeply and turned. Just as I thought, he leaned against the table wearing a cocky grin. Hs hair was combed perfectly, sideswept bangs dangling over his hazel irises.

"I do have a name asshole" I mumbled as I walked and took the seat next to him

"Well, for now you're eyebrows" Every muscle tensed as he called me that. I would not lose control, I could not, my mother has much to deal with now.

"And for now, you're name is asshole" He smirked before he turned and opened the book. I was glad that he assigned independent work because I'd rather fight 20 deaf midgets than work with _him._

"Hey" I closed my eyes and sighed before I glanced at him. He wore a sly grin, and I just didn't answer him, knowing it's be stupid.

"Hey" He said, a certain urgency ringing in his voice "_Hey!" _I decided to then ignore him.

"Hey, hey eyebrows" I sighed, don't do it Kendall, don't do it "Eyebrows, yo!" I clenched my fist and looked at him

"What?" I asked him

"You dropped you pen" I looked, and in his hand was my black pen. Somehow it rolled off the table

"Thanks" I mumbled confusedly and took the pen from him

"No problem eyebrows" He said, the grin practically plastered on his face. Before he turned back into his book he winked at me. I turned to my left and saw a blonde girl trying to suppress a smile; well that mystery's solved. I turned back to my book, with nothing to do but just pretend work because I was done. The year my dad left, there would be so much arguing and even though mom was pregnant he still stressed her out, which led to Katie being born prematurely. When it started, I would go to the storage closet; it was the farthest from their bedroom and I'd read. Even before then I liked to read but I read more when they argued, and I used it as an escape; well until I began cutting. I was about 13, when I started, but when I was twelve, I was introduced to it. When my mother was going through her on and off depression, I picked up the slack; one night while I was doing the dishes, I reached my hand into the sink and _slice!_ It was a month after that, my birthday was in that month when I decided to do it; the feeling it gave me, hypnotic, even the dull throbbing afterwards, I loved. The bell rang, sending me out of my daze, and I quickly packed up my things and went onto the next class. Logan and I were seated close in them, I liked it because I began looking to Logan as a…friend.

In one class, I _very briefly_ met some guy named Carlos. He was very hyper, like he had ADD or something; and by the way Logan was blushing, I'd say his boyfriend. After I went to my locker and switched books, Logan met me and we walked to lunch together; it was a little weird. Some people stared at me as if I had 'Bozo' painted on my forehead.

"…and sometimes it's okay but just try not to do it all the time" I looked at Logan, both lips pinched together and nodded. He gave me an you-weren't-listening-at-all face, actually I chuckled because it was funny to get a reaction out of him. We got out lunch and we sat down, and I noticed that Logan was looking around, I laughed.

"Carlos just left out that door" I said, and tilted my head towards the big doors

"WHAT?" His eyes bugged out, and eyebrows furred and I tried not to laugh with my mouth full. Then, as if on que Carlos came and sat his tray down.

"Hey Logie" He pushed his lips against Logan's in a quick kiss, in which the boy flashed 80 shades of red.

"Kendall right?" He asked, I nodded "Nice to meet ya'" He said, and then, someone sat down next to me, as I saw the brown locks swing into my perception. I groaned as a huge smile erupted on his face.

"Sup eyebrows" I absolutely hated that name, but two can play that game

"Hey asshole" I heard Carlos snigger

"It's James" He growled, I could hear the anger finally getting somewhere

"And I really don't give a fuck" I retorted, I could feel my blood boiling through my veins. He just, pissed me off so much.

"Fuck you" You could hear in his voice he was dead serious, and that's all it took for that little spark to ignite. My father said that to my mother once, before I hit him. I could hear my own ragged breaths echoing themselves in my ears, and I shoved James. It was a lot, or _too much_ force because he almost lost his balance on the little bench. As soon as he rose to his feet, I stood.

"I think you're fucking with the wrong one" He spat venomously at me, his hazel orbs clouding with anger and resentment?

"Try me" Trigger words, for me all this came from trigger words. As he stepped towards me, I stepped towards him, clenching and unclenching my fist in this spiralling rage.

"Kendall, calm down" I didn't even register the fact that Logan was talking, or rather trying to pull me back.

"Let the little boy fight his own battles Logan" I snapped. Everything that was coming from his mouth I could hear my father saying, as if his voice was morphing into my father's if his head was changing into the man.

"I'm not so _fucking little_ anymore!" I yelled and slammed his body backwards and into the wall, and he shoved me back. As I charged towards him, and he grabbed fistfuls of my shirt as we pummeled to the floor; I thought I heard chanting, and snapping, like a camera snapping. I could taste the blood dripping into my mouth, but I kept at it. I could hear my father's voice, _the boy needs to fight his own battles, you always stick up for him, why don't you pay that much attention to me._

"Kendall, please!" I could tell by the sound of the faint voice that Logan was upset by…this. I could barely hear his inaudible voice as my father's words played over and over my head. James punched me dead in the face and I swear I heard a crack as a loud shooting pain shot through my face. A rough, strong hand yanked me away as I tried to regain my stability as they forcefully pushed me towards the door. I had blood drips on my shirt, as I looked up I saw the man who pulled me up was Mr. B. He ushered me into his classroom and stuck a mirror in my face. I hated what I saw, my right eyebrow was bleeding; sending a drop of the velvet colored liquid rolling down my face, the sight made me shiver as the thought of getting a blade into my hands went through my head. My nose was slightly leaning, and as I reached my fingers to touch it, instantly I winced and withdrew my hand. Blood was dripping from my nose, and Mr. B handed me a box of tissues as I wiped the blood away.

"Kendall, from your transcripts you seem like a bright kid. What happened?" He asked, I shrugged as I carefully wiped the blood away from my nose.

"I got pissed" I said, as I wiped the blood away from my eyebrow. I could see my jaw, swelling like no tomorrow and a few bruises.

"Kendall, do you have problems at home? I mean I know your mother's a single mom but if you need help you can talk to me" It was nice to know they 'pretend' cared. I now fucking hated James more than I ever had. I heard sirens, and I looked up at him, he sighed and motioned for me to follow. I got up, holding a tissue to my nose as I followed him to the office. A EMT guy came up to me, examining my nose as I followed him to the ambulance. Fuck, I had maybe two hundred stashed and that would cover the whole bill; fucking nice Kendall. The silent drive was actually pretty nice, it gave me time to figure this shit out and my mom would be giving me hell since she asked me to 'be good'. As we arrived, I was escorted into a room to wait for a doctor; I hope my nose wasn't broken.

I looked around nervously, until the door opened. A woman, with chestnut brown hair stepped in and smiled at me.

"Hi, you must be Kendall right?" She asked,

"Yeah" She sat down and quickly looked over my files before putting on some gloves and examining my nose.

"It's definitely broken" Great. That's all I fucking needed.

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><p>When I got home, I was greeted by my mother sitting on a stool near the counter. She had that pissed off look, which is never good.<p>

"Kendall Francis Knight. A fight, the first day of school?" She asked, I sighed "I thought I raised you better than that. Kendall, you cannot let your temper get the best of you" She said, she looked down and sighed "And the hospital bills" All the while she was fussing, she was looking at me, but not _looking at me_. She raised her head and a small gasp escaped her lips.

"I'll pay for it" I told her, I didn't want to go through this, not tonight.

"Kendall, where are you…"

"I saved. No big deal mom" I told her as I walked past her, toward my room. I stopped when I saw the picture, of _him_ and me as a baby; I hated that.

"Why do you even keep that?" I asked her angrily, she sighed at me

"Because I like it!" She retorted, there were only certain things that pissed my mother off, and talking about that picture was one of them.

"All he ever did was fuck up _our_ lives!" I yelled at her, I could see she was getting angry, but I guess it's something she needed to hear

"Don't talk about your father like that!" She shouted. Me? Not talk about _him_? Are you fucking kidding me mom?

"He did nothing but fucking leave us and you still love that bastard" I stormed out of the room, slamming the picture of him and I to the ground. I slammed my door shut, as I paced my room; how could she say that? The man who left us high and fucking dry, how could she still love him? I went into my bathroom, quickly moving boxes and tubes of toothpaste out of the cabinet, until I saw my little killjoy. I picked it up, this, now _this_ took away all my problems, and made everything go numb and float away from me. I sat on the toilet lid, and took off the yarn bracelets and leather band and sat them gingerly in my lap.

"Kendall?" Katie's high pitch voice slipped through the door

"Get out!" I shouted at her, as I tried to control my breathing. As I dragged the ultra thin razor against my skin, I sighed. I could just feel the problems melting away from me, and I loved it; so I did it again. Numbness, that's what it was; I wasn't worrying about Katie, or mom or _that_ motherfucker. As I leaned back, and watched the small streams of red leak from my arm; I felt like my life was okay, even if it was just for a minute.


	2. The Up & Downs

**I rewrote Chapter 1 because I felt like it was unfinished, so yeah. I hope you like this chapter!**

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><p>When I woke up, my head was throbbing. I wore a long sleeve to bed last night and gave the bracelets and band a rest. I knew for a fact that Katie heard the argument last night, even though I didn't intend for it to happen. I got up out of my bed and went into my bathroom to pee and brush my teeth; my mom just made me angry. She still loved the man who cheated, broke her heart, argued with her on a daily basis, left her with a kid and one on the way; it's pretty fucked up.<p>

I peered at my nose in the mirror, to see that it was still red. I had a few bruises, and when I lifted my hair to look at my eyebrow I sighed. A thin line went through near the end, it really bothered me. I've had these bushy eyebrows ever since…forever, and it just pisses me off. I took my finger and ran it over my eyebrow, and…nothing; I half expected for it to disappear but the Doc did say to expect the hair to fall out. I walked out of my bathroom and stood at my door, I couldn't hear my mother and it's Tuesday. I slowly opened the door to an empty kitchen, and living room. I stepped out cautiously looking for her.

"Mom?" I called, but heard nothing in return. As I drew closer to Katie's room, which is down the hall from her's I could hear sobs. I stood in front of my mother's door and I could hear her painful sobs. I knocked lightly on the door.

"Just a minute" She said, I knew she was wiping her tears away and covering up so I opened the door, seeing her quickly wipe away a few stray tears.

"Mom, I'm sorry. I never meant to yell at you" I told her, she nodded and pinched her lips in an effort not to cry anymore. I stepped into her clean room and quietly closed the door, and hugged her; at first she froze, and I squeezed her and she broke down all over again. It made me feel guilty knowing I was the cause of all these tears.

"I'm sorry" I told her, if I hadn't of lost my temper and got into a fight none of this would've happened _or_ if James wouldn't have been such an asshole.

"It's not your fault Kendall" She was doing the same thing I was doing; blaming myself

"It's not yours either. You can't control your feelings, I shouldn't have said that" I told her, I could feel her shaking her head

"No, you were right" She said, if I was, I didn't want to be right in _that_ way.

"But I should've said it differently" I told her, she didn't say more which meant that she was right.

"You're suspended for the rest of the week" She commented, I nodded.

"Mom, I have to wake Katie. She's gotta go to school" I told her, she nodded and let go of me "Go lay down, I'll take care of it" I told her, she was so hesitant to let me, but gave in. I walked out her room and down the hall to Katie's, and she was still sleeping; I did notice her swelled eyes which meant she _did_ hear our argument. I walked over and pulled the blanket over her shoulders and kissed her forehead. I peeked my head back into my mother's room.

"Mom, what were you going to do today?" I asked her

"Grocery shopping" She said, I nodded

"Why don't you let me do it? Where are the keys?" I asked her

"In the dish on the stand by the door, and the list is in the drawer with the money. Kendall, please be careful" She said, I nodded

"I will" I closed her door, and went into my bedroom quickly changing and slipping on the yarn bracelets and headed out to the kitchen. I looked in the drawer and found the list and cash, looking over the list as I headed towards the door. I grabbed the keys, and locked the door; making my way to the elevator. Just as I started, the doors were about to close

"Can you hold it please?" I said and ran, to catch it. Slender fingers curled around the door, and as I got closer I realized it was Logan.

"Kendall, thank God your okay!" I laughed as I stepped onto the elevator

"Yeah, I'm fine. I uh have temper problems" I mentioned to him, he nodded

"Where ya going?" He asked

"Grocery store. Aren't you late for school?" I asked him, he nodded

"Yeah. My mom thought it'd be nice to let me stay home but I can't too much going on" I scoffed. He's such a nerd, but a nice nerd.

"Just wanna see Carlos" I said, he blushed and took a breath, holding it to think about what to say as I waited for his answer

"Nuh Uh!" I laughed and the child like sound left his mouth, and once he realized, he laughed too "You walkin' there?" He asked

"No, mom's car. Hey, you think after school you could show me to the mall? Trying to get a job" I told him, he smiled

"Sure" He said, as we left the elevator, and past Mr. Bitters.

"Ken-dall!" He yelled I laughed

"Suspension" I called, I was starting to like the chubby man. He's alright

"Lo-gan!" He yelled, I laughed

"I'm late for school!" He yelled back as we walked out the door, Logan started down the street

"Come on, I'll give you a lift. You'll get there faster so you can see Carlos" He glared at me, as I chuckled and unlocked the doors.

"You're never letting me live this down are you?" He asked, I smiled as we put on our seatbelts, and I started the car.

"Nope" I told him, as I began driving, he laughed and I smiled. As I pulled up, I saw _him_ and I grimaced

"I thought he was suspended" I mumbled, Logan nodded. Why the hell would you show to school while you're suspended?

"He is, I dunno why he's here though. Thanks for the lift" He said over his shoulder as he lifted himself from the seat.

"Yeah see ya" I called, he in fact wasn't even that late; there were a bunch of kids outside. As he ran up the steps I decided to give him some advice "TRY NOT TO LOSE PLAYING TONSIL HOCKEY!" I could tell he flushed bright red before he flipped me off and glared at me. I could see Carlos, walking up to him, trying to hide his laughter. I noticed that James saw me, and he had the meanest glare in his eyes even though he wore glasses. I ignored him, and drove off to the supermarket; I've done this all before and every time it gets worse. By 'this' I mean get my mom upset, make Katie cry and take over everything. Most of this stuff usually took me no time, but since we moved I haven't had a chance to actually roam around on my own. It's was okay, I mean I got occasional stares because of the bruises and other than that I was fine.

To be honest, I liked to grocery shop. It gave me time to be just me, and be alone with my thoughts; when I was younger I used to absolutely hate it. I always thought of it was my mother dragging me along on an invisible leash, some of my thoughts in adolescence were a little…yeah. I went through the list in no time, and to be honest I was glad that I was; because I badly needed a fucking cigarette. As the man checked out the items and bagged them, I kept thinking about a cigarette. I hurriedly paid her and grabbed the bags and walked to the car, looking around to see if I could find a convenient store. Luckily, there was one but since my cash was stashed home, I'd replace it when I got there. I shut the trunk and began walking to the adjacent store. Fuck, they had the age warning sign, I looked around and noticed this random guy standing there.

"Hey buddy. I'll give ya five bucks if you go get me a pack of cigarettes" I told him, usually I'd have a friend who'd get them for me but _we moved_.

"…..yeah okay" He shrugged his shoulders and I handed him a ten as he went into the store. I could probably talk to Scooter, the friend who'd get my cigarettes before and see what he could do. The man came back out and handed me the package.

"Thanks man" I said, and nodded towards him. I turned around and tried to make my way to the car until he called after me.

"Hey kid" I turned around "You should quit those soon"

"I'm not that...- yeah, I should" I said to him, and began walking back to Mom's car. She'd kill me if she found out that I smoked, even if it's not that often she'd still kill me. I pulled out of the parking space and drove a little further down and stopped at a park; I left my lighter hidden in my room, so I had to use the car's. I remember when I was younger and I pushed it in, I swear I broke it and I tried to fix it; my mother laughed, and explained to me what it's for in my panicked state. I tapped out a cigarette and lit it, stepping out of her car and walking on the damp grass and sat on a bench. As I inhaled the gaseous addictant, a few thoughts raced through my head. _I wonder how it's going to be when I start school again? What are the teachers going to think? What are the students going to try now? _

My mom would kill me if she found me smoking, or cigarettes in my room. I sat there basking in the alone time, as I felt someone shift the wood of the bench. I looked over and groaned, there saw high and mighty James. I sighed and tugged up my right arm sleeve to my elbow in frustration.

"Can I bum one?" I looked at him, he smokes? The egotistical James Diamond smoking, I scoffed yeah right. The guy who fucking broke my nose is right now asking me for a cigarette, small world right? When I didn't say anything, he sighed and started patting himself in search of a cigarette; then I heard him clicking his lighter, the white cloud of smoke rising and fading on the edge of my periphery.

To be honest, I wanted to know why the hell he's here. With me, sitting down on the bench smoking; and just yesterday were we about to kill each other.

"No bullshit. Why are you here?" I asked, as I took a long drag

"Smoking" He answered matter of factly. As I looked over at him, I could see his right jaw was swollen, and I could see the purple shades rimming his eyes.

"I'm serious" I said and blew the smoke to the side, never looking away from him

"I am too" I sighed, this conversation was getting pointless and frustrating already. I sighed and juggled the cigarette in my hand as I yanked my other sleeve up. I scratched the back of my head with my right hand, not thinking about what to say but just at the awkwardness.

"You shouldn't do that" Broke the silence, and as I was about to ask him, clear as day I could see the scars peeking out from the braided yarn. Not realizing that I _didn't_ put on the leather band I quickly tugged my sleeves down; a wave of panic washed through me as I took another long drag.

"Don't tell me what to do" I retorted, he better keep his fucking mouth shut. He better not say a fucking thing to anyone about this, he better not fucking tell Lo-

"You shouldn't. You'll have those fucking scars forever" He said, I sighed. Trying to calm and distract myself with the cigarette between my lips.

"Like I said, don't fucking tell me what to do" I said, a little loudly to him

"No. You'll have those scars forever, always behind your back telling and reminding you of how fucked up things used to be and how fucking bad-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP" I yelled at him, as I snapped my head to look at him "You don't fucking know me and you don't fucking care, so stop acting like it!" I said sternly to him. His lip set in a straight, hard line; I couldn't tell if he was looking at me through the glasses, but he did nothing but put his cigarette to his lips.

"You _really_ need help" He was pissing me off, irritating me, getting under my skin

"And you _really_ need to shut the fuck up" I told him, he doesn't need to be in my fucking business, to be snooping around. Just because I cut my fucking wrist doesn't fucking mean I put them there for people to see. It's my fucking problem, not theirs and I fucking hate it when they tell people; if it's not your fucking wrist shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down.

"Eyebrows, what's your problem?" It's so fucking ignorant of him when he comes and does this shit. I don't like that fucking nickname, at all.

"What's your fucking problem? We beat the shit out of each other, and now you wanna talk like everything's fucking peachy" I told him, I flicked the cigarette and watched the ashes quickly fall to the ground.

"Peachy?" He asked, he was pissing me off.

"Shut the hell up" I told him, he smiled. It wasn't that it pissed me off, it was weird to me; here I was telling him to shut the hell up.

"What the fuck's so funny?" I asked him, he shook his head and let out a chuckle. By this time, I really wanted to know what the hell was wrong with him.

"You say 'fuck' a lot" He said….okay. That's um, nice to fucking know I guess?

"Okay" I answered. We sat in silence as we spoke, neither of us saying anything but just sitting and watching. I looked at my watch, it's almost 3 "Damn" I mumbled.

"What?" He asked, I quickly blew out some smoke

"I gotta go pick Logan up. He's showing me to the mall" I don't know why I fully explained it, but I did. I got up, squeezing a few extra inhales out of the cancerous stick.

"Oh, tell Logan I said 'sup" I nodded, as he got up and flicked his cigarette to the ground and stomped it.

"Yeah, sure" I said, as I double checked for my keys and began walking towards the car.

"Eyebrows" He called, I turned around and looked at him; a 'what' expression on my face.

"You _really_ shouldn't do that" I sighed with the telling-me-what-to-do shit. I sighed, slowly nodding, and then answered him back.

"You _really_ shouldn't tell people how to live their lives" I told him, I opened the car door and slid inside. Just as I was starting the car, I could see James walking off. I pulled up in front of the school, to see Logan waiting for me outside.

"I need to stop by my house first" He said as he got in, I nodded

"Oh, yeah and James said 'sup" I told him, his eyebrows furred as the inaudible question was asked

"Long story" I told him, smirking as we drove off towards our building

* * *

><p>I took the groceries in and told my mom that I was going to be right back, and that a friend needed my help at the mall. I didn't tell her that I was getting a job because she would've stopped me, and when we did get to the mall, it was like a game of '20 questions' and 'spot the sign'.<p>

"Kendall, that's the seventeenth store we've been in" He said, I groaned. I looked down at my slurpee, as I pushed it around with straw. As I looked, it was the holy grail of my whole objection for this mall visit.

"Loge, look" I nudge him, he shot is head up. I was excited, finally I found the sign and won the games of my little expedition.

"That's a bra store" He answered, I nodded "You wanna work_ there_" He said, a little more surprised than anything.

"Yeah, and plus I need the cash" I said to him, he sighed

"Alright" He said, I threw my slurpee in the trash and walked up with Logan into the bra store. Let's just say_ a lot_ of girls don't see two boys walking into a bra store.

"Can I help you?" A woman, about mid 30's approached me, I smiled at her

"I'm looking for a job" I said to her, she smiled. One of those smiles that said 'I don't think so'

"Usually, we only hire girls; it makes the customer feel more at ease" She said, she can't do that right? Loge knows all about shit like this.

"If boys come in here and you turn them down, that's sex discrimination" YES! I told you Loge would know all about this stuff, as always. She was hesitant, about hiring a 17 year old boy; who's hormones were supposedly through the roof.

"If I can guess your bra size, can I get the job?" She laughed, a pale red showing in her cheeks. A seventeen year old asked to guess her bra size…awkward.

"Sure, why not?" She asked. She put her hands on her hips, as I looked at her chest, at first glance, she looked like a 36 D but it was the shirt that fooled you.

"36" I answered, she looked at me, surprised I got half right then straightened herself up; waiting for me to get the other half wrong "DD" I answered, she looked at me; amazed.

"How did you know that? Most girls can't even tell their own size" She answered, I smiled slyly and shrugged

"I've always been good with measurements" I answered, she smiled and stuck her hand out

"You got the job. Can you start Thursday?" She asked, I nodded

"Yes, I'm Kendall" I told her, and shook her hand. She smiled at me as a few giggles were sent my way from the girls peeking out from the rack.

"Well Kendall, I'll be seeing you Thursday" She smiled

"Thank you so much" I told her, she smiled at me and Logan and I walked out

"Well, you got you're job" He said, I smiled

"I know, this is fucking awesome" I told him, finally; and I already know what I'm going to do with the money.

When I got home, I started dinner. My mom was still in her room, and so was Katie; I hated seeing my girls down. I quickly slipped away, sure that nothing was to overcook and knocked lightly on Katie's door before I opened it.

"Katie?" She was on her bed, under the covers. She mumbled a 'go away' and I pulled the blanket off her head "I didn't mean to yell at Mom last night" I told her, she sat up

"Then why'd you do it?" She asked, I sighed to her before I explained

"I was angry, and couldn't control my temper" I told her, my mom and I'd have fights all the time and I hate it.

"I just hate it when you guys fight" She said, I hugged her close and kissed her head

"Me too kiddo" She smiled at me, and I got up to go check on dinner. I didn't noticed that she followed me until I heard the stool under the counter scoot out. I smiled to her, as I went over and turned the radio up; she laughed. My mom used to do this, when we were young. Sing and act like idiots, my mom would do anything to make us laugh. I finished up dinner and Katie went to go get Mom as I set the table. I liked this, having dinner as a family; makes me think that I'm not all that screwed up.


	3. U Mad?

**Guys so sorry, it took a while just to type this up and I finished a few days ago, but my internet wasn't working! SO SORRY****! I know you guys are waiting for some KAMES! FINALLY!...yeah they fight again. It just felt like a fighting chapter, someone always has to fuck it up! Again, sorry and I really hope you all like this chapter!**

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><p>I woke up to an empty house, my mom and Katie went to go do something; she wasn't really clear on what it was though. I put the note on the counter as I looked in the fridge for something to eat. It wasn't as much fun as I thought it would be getting suspended. My nose looked the same, still hurting like hell and I still can't grimace. Nice. I shrugged when I found nothing and settled down on the couch, turning the channels, sighing.<p>

I should go back to sleep; sleep is nice. I stared at the television, yawning trying to focus on the television. I have absolutely nothing to do, I leaned back on the couch closing my eyes for a little bit before I fell deeper and deeper into darkness.

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><p>"Kendall, wake up honey. Kendall" I stirred, and looked at the small form in front of me before lying back down.<p>

"I got it" Someone mumbled before I felt a hand smack my head loudly and _hardly_.

"KATIE!" I heard her footsteps and her laugh as she ran into her room. I groaned and sat up realizing Logan was standing there smiling at me.

"Morning sunshine!" I flipped him off as he sat down next to me "Excited for tomorrow?" He whispered in a hush tone, I nodded.

"Still can't believe I got it" I whispered to him, he smiled and nodded "Have fun swappin'' spit with Carlos?" He blushed 10 shades of red and then defended himself.

"Nuh uh!" I laughed, it seems like the only words he can remember when I say something like that "ANYWAY, how was it here?" He asked, I looked at him and laughed

"Did you _not_ see me here? Asleep?" He laughed, shaking his head with that 'I should've known face' I laughed at it.

"Anyway, James asked about you today" My head snapped up as I looked at him. A big grin spread across his face.

"What?" He shook his head. I knew what he was putting together, in his head.

"So...what'd he say?" When Logan laughed, I felt like yelling at him "I do not like James!" but I kept that to myself.

"He just asked how your nose was" I nodded, Logan wasn't telling me all of it! Damn him! I sighed, I wasn't prying anymore because he'd say-

"You like James!" My mother giggled, and I smacked Logan with the back of my hand, since it came from his _loud_ mouth.

"Shut up! And I don't!" Jeezus, did he really have to say that so loud? I'm certain that my-

"Who's James?" I sighed, and wiped my face with my hands

"Whoa baby, James!" Katie said, bursting out the door; doing one of the most awkward dance move, thrusting her hips and fanning her hand in front of her; too much MTV.

"Oh God" I mumbled, as my mother laughed. This...couldn't get any worse than this; dear God this couldn't get any worse.

"Guys, he's just a classmate" I said to them, that _wasn't_ getting me off the hook _anytime_ soon.

"Your jaw's looking better" Thank you Logan for the sudden topic change, I nodded and smiled towards him

"Yeah, you can barely notice it, my nose's still….yeah" Red, a little swollen, definitely sore

"Is James your crush? Do you _already_ have a boyfriend?" Just when I thought this was over. Yeah, they both knew I preferred boys; I'm gay, I'm as straight as a rainbow.

"Katie, get out of your brother's love life" I blame Logan, oh, he's going to get it

"I have no love life!" I exclaimed throwing my hands up, my mother tried to stop her smile from appearing on her face

"Kendall, I need your to go to the mall with me" It's funny how Logan got me into this and now he's saving me.

"Mom, can I-"

"We can take _my_ mom's Prius" I snorted, trying to hold onto my laughter

"Never mind mom" Prius, a freaking Prius; somehow that was funny as hell for me; ha-ha a Prius.

"Come on" Logan grumbled and I stood and waved to my mom and a still laughing Katie before I grabbed my keys and headed downstairs.

"What was it that we have to go shopping for anyway?" I asked him as we walked out the front door, a smirk growing on my face at the little silver Prius

"Geez, stop being such an asshole" He started, walking around the car I laughed, shaking my head no

"I didn't mean it! I'm sorry" I told him, as I got in. If I said I don't see why a Prius is so funny to me, I'd be an up face liar. After my laughter settled down, he explained to my why we were going to the mall.

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><p>"So, Carlos couldn't have come with you on this trip?" I asked, he scoffed as he glared at me over the clothes rack<p>

"That's the surprise!" He sighed in frustration "_dumbass_" He mumbled, I snorted

"Says the guy with the Prius" I muttered, just loud enough so he could hear me; he made 'the face'. Oh, God, It was hilarious! He tilted his head to the side, and hiked up right corner of his mouth, if we hadn't of been in the store I would've been on the floor by now.

The object of this trip was to get something for Carlos, since their uh, anniversary is coming up.

"So, just how long have you guys been a couple?" I asked as I pried through the rack of t-shirts

"Since 15" He smiled proudly, already I could see him going through memories in his head. I wonder what's it like to be like that? I can imagine them now, little old men in the nursing- NEVERMIND.

I shook my head, getting the gross thought out of my head. Logan laughed, sounding amused

"That's because of?" The more I tried to get the thought of it out of my head, the more it stayed.

"Old man sex" I cried, Oh God somebody help me.

"Eww, pervert" I laughed, his tone got pretty high as he said that. I also noticed a girl our age walking away, with a grimace like she tasted something horrible. Serves her right for eavesdropping.

"So, what were you thinking of getting him; general ideas?" I asked, he sighed

"That's it! I have none! I'm horrible at getting gifts, especially for Carlos!" You could tell he was frustrated about it

"Sexual innuendos" I said, he raised his eyebrow at me; it'd be funny if I could get _him_ to wear one

"What?" I'm probably going to change the way he saw the word 'Stud' forever.

"It's t-shirts, with sexual innuendos. You know like-" I began

"I know what it is!" He cut me off, looking around embarrassedly. I really didn't want to explain it, so I gladly shut up

"Good! He seems like an innuendo guy" I mumbled, Logan shook his head. I could tell he was thinking 'oh god, what have I done?' and it only made me smile more. We left alone the flannel (it's crazy how we ended up there; _not really_) and over to the t-shirt racks. I laughed as soon as I got my hands on one, I was like a really fat kid in a candy store, excited and no idea where to start. Logan began going through them, already blushing like crazy.

"I'm guessing you like that one" I said, he was still, red as a tomato and he shook his head before he answered.

"What?" Oh my God. Logan was enjoying this! He was finding enjoyment in touching it! _I mean_ _the shirt_! God, I think I am becoming a pervert "No! I just, it's just, it's uh-" Logan's voice was silenced as I saw the leather jacket through the window. Logan was just staring, and calling my name until he looked out the window. I shook my head and held up a shirt

"How 'bout this one?" I, personally liked it. It was the Mountain Dew logo, but instead of the words "Mountain" and "Dew" were "Mount and" "Do me".

"How 'bout…no" I laughed, and put it back, and picked out one I had at home

"What about this one?" I peeped over his shoulder, noticing that the 'said' person in the leather jacket had gone

"No! Mind you my mom will freak if she sees me wearing a shirt that says 'blow me'" He said, the way his shoulders were, I could tell he was poking out his hip, which made me laugh

"It has a birthday candle on it" He laughed as I put the back the shirt; maybe if it has sometype of math problem he'd like that.

"Hey eyebrows" I almost jumped, so happy that I kept my ground. I groaned, here comes this asshole. I sarcastically smiled at him, as he chuckled still wearing those damn glasses. I could however completely ignore him.

"Ooooh, how bout-"

"If you're _that _excited, I don't wanna hear it" I frowned 'hurtfully' at him, while he flipped through the shirts. It was a good one too!

"I think Carlos would like that one" James spoke up, I smiled at Logan

"See…." He glared at James, then turned to me

"No, now pick another" I scrunched my nose at him, before I put it back. That was something my mother would definitely yell at. Maybe even freak. She'd definitely freak. James looked at me, through his glasses and then began flipping through the rack; right…next…to…me. Not only that, but he was humming; I sighed.

"Could you quit it?" I said annoyed, to which he smiled and began humming louder; I sighed. He's not going to make this easy for me, not one bit. I saw James pull out a t-shirt but I couldn't see what it said; and I damn sure wasn't going to ask him.

"Logan's ashamed of what he did for a Klondike bar" I bursted with laughter as Logan glared at the both of us; even though I've done nothing.

"Positive" I muttered, which earned another glare from Logan; and a series of laughs from James and I. Now, I have to find something to top that; I take competition very seriously.

"Loge, you should wear this one" I held it out so James could see, he laughed. He lowered his glasses and looked at Logan; and smirked. Now I'd _really_ be an upface liar if I said that little smirk didn't turn me on.

"I'm curious" I laughed, as Logan just shook his head

"You perverts!" I smiled, eh; maybe I am just a little. I peered over Logan who was grinning evilly at the rack. Now that, made me nervous.

"Kendall, this describes you perfectly!" I looked at him suspiciously, before he held the shirt; smiling brightly at me. There read the shirt "I love dirty rocker boys" and who was next to me? Darkwash jeans, boots, and leather jacket?

"Oh, you know what. Fuck you!" I grumbled, and took a few steps away from James; I noticed that he looked at me as I moved away. Logan laughed with satisfaction as I grimaced, cursing under my breath. Now, it's on.

"Hey, look! You wanted to be a doctor, here's one" In big bold letter's was 'I have a PH.D' he looked at me suspiciously, I was glad that I was covering up the bottom half of the shirt. James smirked, and I kicked his boot which made him glare at me.

"Turn it around" I turned the black shirt around, he still looked quite suspicious at it. Seeing there was nothing on the back he looked pretty satisfied.

"On the counter, other hand up!" I laughed, I put my other hand up, so he could see as I walked to the counter and put the shirt down, I could feel _them? _Watching me. Yeah, I could feel James's eyes just staring at my back. _Snap outta it Kendall! _I told myself as I walked back to the rack, and began aimlessly looking through them. As soon as I saw that one, I laughed.

Of course curiosity killed the cat, and James's hand was ripping the shirt from my grasp

"Asshole" I yelled at him, he just looked at me, and I glared at Logan; which was no help because he only shrugged. I mean, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that he…set this up.

"I'll be outside" I said, abruptly before turning on my heel and walking outside. I sat down on the curb, and tapped out a cigarette. I stuck it in my mouth, and lit it; rolling my eyes when I heard footsteps.

"Can I bum one now? We're…yeah" I laughed, we were _not _friends.

"No" It amused me to see him denied of that, anything. I liked the way a fire seemed to burn behind those hazel eyes when he wasn't getting his way.

Logan glared at me, when we reached the stop light, much like he promised. I couldn't stop my snickering, even if I wanted to.

"Kendall, I'm glad that you think it's funny" I straightened up, and put on a serious face

"I swear to God, I thought I sent it to Carlos" I told him, he huffed and rolled his eyes. James, insisted on tagging along and his chuckles were barely heard by Logan from the backseat.

"No reason for you to have my phone in the first place!" It was just _right there!_ Surely, Carlos would've agreed "And for you to be going through my messages! There's a such thing called _personal space_" I didn't intentionally mean to send it to his mom, honest!

"Dude, what did you send?" James _finally_ stopped laughing to ask, as Logan glared at him

"James…shutup" I smiled, I haven't really seen Logan so worked up about this

"Can I hold your phone?" He looked at me, and with his mouth wide open

"No!"

"Just to call Carlos. Please, you can listen" He sighed, before pulling out his phone and dialing Carlos himself.

"Hola cariño" Loge smiled into the phone

"Hey, Kendall wants to talk to you" Logan said, waiting for him to respond

"Logie, ¿Te acuerdas cuando nos-"

"WHOA! PG-13 please" Logan glared at me, as Carlos laughed

"What is it man?" Carlos asked

"You watch hockey?" I asked, I could hear some more Spanish words being spoken

"What kind of question is that? Of course I watch hockey, me, James and Logan; every game" I laughed, surprised to hear that Logan watches hockey

"Why don't you guys come to my house? My sister would be excited I don't force her to watch it anymore" Logan laughed, dealing with the little brat this morning.

"Fine with me" Carlos said

"Sure, why not?" James

"Kay, see you there" Logan told Carlos before hanging up the phone

"Hey" I mumbled, Logan looked over at me

"You mad?" James chuckled, and Loge could barely look at me with a straight face

* * *

><p>I hadn't even thought of James coming into my house, especially after this morning. Oh fuck.<p>

"Kendall, open the door" I turned to look at Logan, and realized I was standing in front of the door, maybe if he just shuts up, it'll be good.

"Oh, right. Yeah, the uh, door" I opened it, peeking my head in the door seeing Katie on the couch and Mom in the kitchen.

"Hey Mom, is it cool if I have some friends over?" She looked at me surprised, God, my own mother thinks I have less than 2 friends.

"Sure, I don't see why not" I opened the door, and the guys came in with a 'Hey Ms. Knight'. She wiped her hands, and came around the counter to shake the boys hand, which to me was really unnecessary.

"Hi Ms. Knight, I'm Carlos; Logan's boyfriend" Logan blushed as my Mom smiled and shook his hand, and Katie laughed

"I knew it! Biker boy couldn't possibly be his" I glared at Katie as James snorted at her

"Hi Ms. Knight, I'm James" Holy fuck, I'm screwed. She smiled, glancing a look at me; dear God help me now. Katie laughed, they were _not_ gonna let me live this down. "Katie, scooch" I plopped down on the sofa next to her, what in the hell is wrong with me…letting James…in my house.

"Fattie" She grumbled, I ruffled her hair, as she grimaced. She got one look at James and smiled. I quickly covered her mouth with her hand and smiled.

"Tourettes, come on baby sis; let's go take your pills" I lifted Katie off the couch and took her into her room, and she replied by…biting my finger

"Ouch!" I dropped her just as she turned to look at me "You don't say a _word_ not even a snippet about him, understand?" Of course, I shouldn't expect her to give in that easily "20 bucks and I'll do it…" Damn, you couldn't bribe kids with two bucks worth of candy anymore?

"Fine" I said, turning to go out the door

"_Plus_" I groaned, she's going to be a con artist when she grows up "you" she softened the look on her face "have to come to my soccer games" I smiled at her, since when does she play soccer?

"Since when?" I asked her, she smiled

"Since tryouts Tuesday" I smiled and ruffled her hair, much to her dissatisfaction

"Of course I'm coming" I told her, she smiled as I hugged her into my side, almost making her trip over her feet

"I always thought of you more as a hockey girl" I mumbled as I opened her door, she groaned and scoffed

"You should really stop trying to convert me" I chuckled as she sat back down on the couch, next to Carlos.

"Hey" Carlos looked at her "You like nachos?" I snorted, only Katie could ask a question like that, she ate like a right wing. I noticed James was the only one with his jacket still on, and before I could say anything, Logan began trying to coax him out of it, giving him a stern look. James must've been a cutter, I mean why would he decided to keep his jacket on? I went into my room, and grabbed a long sleeve shirt before going back outside.

Thank God for perfect timing, Carlos was holding up a few nachos, that was somehow stacked with cheese; blame Katie. I stumbled over and smacked the chips onto James's black shirt.

"Dude, no! How do you think those nachos feel?" James looked down at my shirt, almost giving off a smirk of some sort.

"Mybad, change into this" I threw the shirt at him as he smiled "Bathroom's down the hall" He nodded before taking himself and the shirt down the hall and Logan eyed me. I shrugged, James's such a fucking contradiction, he cuts but he tells me not too. "Boys, I was just making dinner, would you guys like to stay?" Of course they said yes, and just as James was heading back to the couch, I swear I saw him smirk, I swear.

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><p>I was almost halfway onto the floor, Carlos was already there since about half hour ago. We all watched the black puck with intense eyes, watching it go from player…to player…to player and in what seemed circles. And who knew Logan, (drives a Prius) watched Hockey? The clock was counting down as he started for the goal, getting closer, and closer until, ANNNNNNNNNNNN! We let out exasperating sighs.<p>

"He could've fucking made that!" I exclaimed slapping my hand down on the coffee table

"Damn right!" Carlos agreed

"Kendall, Carlos, language" In unison we mumbled the automatic 'sorry' that always came out when being corrected by an adult. I noticed that James got up, but ignoring it, he's probably just going to the bathroom. Logan, was actually quiet since that staring blankly at the television still.

"If you think about it, they actually could've tripled their points instead of doing that crack job they just did" I laughed, he could've just said fuck. I peered over the couch, and realized that the hall bathroom door was wide open…asshole! How dare he invade my fucking privacy? I stormed up, and marched straight into my room. I sighed heavily, it being the only thing that made him shift. He put down my picture frame, a picture of Mom, Katie and I and looked at me.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked him, shoving my sleeves up in my angry habit.

"Bathroom" I glared at him, clenching, unclenching my fist

"Get the fuck out" I pointed to the door, he put his hands up in defeat and walked out of my room. I was fuming, pacing back and forth; what if he..took something? I went into my bathroom, opening the cabinet looking over things until I saw it. The small, metal case was flipped; usually that was where the razors for my 'dangerous' habit were held. I quickly snatched it up, seeing that all three razors were gone. I threw it down to the floor and stomped out into the living room. He sat there in that shirt, that tight shirt like he did absolutely nothing wrong.

"GET THE FUCK OUTSIDE!" I yelled to him, Carlos looked at me surprised as his eyes glanced over questioningly to James as worried looks came from Logan, Katie and my mother.

"Kendall!" I ignored her as I waited for James to get up and leave the apartment. He sigh, I _wanted_ to kick his face in. He stood, without a glance back at me began his way out the door, and myself, hot on is heels; I slammed the door once he leaned himself against the wall.

"Give it back" I spat through gritted teeth, he just shrugged

"Give what back?" I grew angry, scratch that, pissed as I gripped his shirt and slammed him against the wall.

"YOU KNOW WHAT I'M FUCKING TALKING ABOUT!" I yelled at him, he just stared me in the eyes

"What the fuck do you want me to say? I have what you're looking for?" His tone was mockingly, very fucking mocking

"James, I swear to fucking God I'll search each and every one of your fucking pockets if I-"

"Oh what" He retorted "What are you gonna do? A cavity search?" The way he said it, was mocking; as if he was mocking me because I prefer boys, because I'm gay, and I flipped. I hurled myself towards him, sending us tumbling to the floor as I punched him, over and over and over. I could see nothing but the outline of James and red. A blood red, an angry red, a hurt red. I could feel their hands on me, I could feel my shoulders trembling, and my cheeks felt cold. I was crying, and as I felt myself being dragged away; I kicked him as hard as I could. My vision sharpened, to see his hazel eyes staring back at me, and for once, they weren't cold. They were anything _but _cold, and all too soon I saw the see those lazy, tired brown eyes and that unforgettable voice. _Be a faggot all your life! I don't want a gay kid as a son. You broke the boy you fix him! _"SEE HOW STRONG THIS FAGGOT IS NOW!" I screamed, I could see him; the angry glare in his eyes; the, unmistakable scent of stale liquor and tobacco. I'm not letting James break me like my father did; I'll make fucking sure of it.


	4. Revelation

**Hi Guys! Please don't beat me up :) The last computer I had completely malfunctioned and I was out of a computer for a couple months. This is wayyyy overdue, and I hope you guys like it. As always any questions, just ask; anything else? I don't think so, so just shoot me a review and tell me what you thought of it.**

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><p>The sun was beaming down on the sleeping body, that groaned, tucking his head under his pillow. Last night, from what he remembers was, awkward, hetic and very confusing. He barely remembers what happened after commanding James to 'get the fuck outside'. He sat up, taking notice of the bandages on his hand; wondering how bad did was the fight between James and himself.<p>

"Kendall?" Knocks came to his door, as he mumbled for them to come in; and in stepped his mother. She looked sympathetically at him, remembering last night, how she could hear his every word, and still, she felt like she could've protected him. Take those feelings that she discovered he had last night away, so she could just have her normal, teenage son back.

"Hey Ma" He said, sliding himself up against the headboard; and wiping his face with his hands. Part of him wanted to ask her if she knew, but the look in her eyes told him that she didn't even want to talk about it.

"You alright?" She held his injured hand in hers "you were pretty riled up last night" She looked up at him, and he lowered his gaze to the blanket.

"What did James take from you?" His eyes snapped up from his mother, as he looked intently at her. He could see her red eyes, the aftermath of her crying "Kendall, from now on, I'm gonna be completely honest with you; but you have to be completely honest with me" She labored her breathing, her shoulders trembling slightly, as if she would break down at any looked at her, she was completely serious about this; and he just wasn't sure if he could be completely honest with her.

"Kendall, whatever it is, you'll still be my son, I'll still love you, that won't change anything about our relationship" She told him, as his thumb rubbed the back of her hand

"I know Ma" He mumbled quietly, as someone began knocking at the front door. His mother didn't budge a bit, she remained seated on his bed, holding his hand "Ma, I can't just spill everything and carry on like nothing's ever happened" He told her, she nodded, eyes glassy. She felt guilty, Kendall was hiding this huge part of his life away from her, as if he felt he couldn't trust her, as if he couldn't talk to her.

"Logan's in the living room waiting for you" She told him, "Whenever you're ready to talk" He nodded at her, as she leaned over to kiss his forehead

"I won't forget" He told her, as she smiled, standing and leaving Kendall idle with his thoughts. A shower, he should shower and that would help...a little. He hoped.

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><p>Logan's mind raced, with so many questions he felt as if he would explode before any of them become answered. After he talked with Carlos, late after they got home, he was informed that Kendall had split James lip, and and littered his left cheek in little scars. Logan watched as Kendall stepped out of the room, fully dressed.<p>

"Ready?" Kendall asked as Logan nodded, saying his bye's to Mama Knight and little Katie. As the door of his apartment shut behind Kendall, Logan voiced his first question.

"Are you okay?" Logan asked Kendall, as he watched Kendall nod

"Yeah, I'm fine" All that kept coming to his mind was the fact that his mother wanted him to spill his secrets, to tell her everything. Logan nodded, quietly as Kendall followed him to the car.

"Loge?" Kendall asked, waiting for some response from the boy. In a sense, he felt bad, he knew that he had gotten carried away; and when he blacks out, things aren't _pretty_.

"Yeah Kendall?" Logan asked, as he stopped at the red light. Kendall was in a daze the whole time they were in the car, now nearing about halfway there; he was worried. It was like he was so remorseful of last night, sometimes, when he looked over the few inches to check on him; Kendall just seems so far off.

"He's alright right? I mean, I didn't get him too bad did I?" He spoke slowly, thinking carefully over his words as he spoke to Logan.

"He's just fine" Logan told him "Can you answer me this one question though?" Now, Kendall looked worriedly over at the smaller boy; he still nodded anyway.

"What did he take from you? I mean, what got you so upset?" Two questions, Kendall noted, but originally it was the same answer for him. He glanced over at Logan, his brown eyes glancing back before looking ahead of him as he resumed driving.

"Something personal, I mean, it was mines, and no one else knew and he took it" Kendall answered, staring down at the dashboard of the car "Still has it, actually. To get it, he'd have to look for it; you'd have to know exactly what you're looking for to get it" Kendall stopped talking, and glanced again, over at Logan.

"Kendall?" Logan asked, again; finally pulling into a parking space in the huge parking lot. Kendall looked up at Logan, holding his attention for more than a second as they sat in the parked car.

"Yeah?" Kendall asked, glancing down at the yarn bracelet adorning his wrist.

"Can we hang out after work? I mean, I got a lot of questions that only you'd know the answer to; I don't want to bum you out your first day" Kendall cracked a small smile as they both stepped out of the car

"Yeah, we can"

* * *

><p>As soon as Kendall came in, he was given a name tag and the first assignment he was given was to unload the boxes and carry them into the back so that Stephanie, his new co-worker could do inventory.<p>

"Mom! Oh my god! Why do we even have to come to this store!" He chuckled at the high pitched voice, thinking of his own, dear little sister. The girl was no older than 12, 13; with dark brown hair, much like He Who Must Not Be Named. (A/N: Just cause I fuckin' love Harry Potter)

"Because, we do" Her mother answered, as her daughter sucked her teeth and sighed again

"Mom! It's a boy in here can we just please go somewhere else!" She whined and her mother, gave her a stern look. Kendall smiled, kind of reminded him of his mother, oh these days for his mother and Katie is far, far from now; Thank God.

"Kendall, sweetie" Kendall turned his head to his boss, Heidi as she wallked over to him "Go and help out our other customers, if you need help, Stephanie's in the back" Kendall nodded, feeling a little excited at helping his first customer.(A/N: HELP ALL THE CUSTOMERS! Reddit anyone?) He stored the last box in the back as Stephanie smiled at him, having a male gay co-worker was fun; and she didn't have to carry all the boxes in anymore. Kendall then, walked over to the mother and daughter duo; with the girl still complaining, and in the middle of a sentence as she noticed him.

"Mom, we can just go to the other bra store in-"

"Hi, I'm Kendall; what can I do for you today?" He asked, throwing on a friendly smile as the girl blushed, and stepped aside so that her mother was behind her

"She needs to be measured and fitted" Her mother said, and he could hear a slight "_Mom! _from the girl.

"I didn't catch your names" He said politely,

"I'm Helen, and this is Jamie" She said, Kendall smiled at the pair

"Well Jamie, no reason to be ashamed, I'm gay anyway" He told her, and she sighed, then frowned momentarily; he chuckled; already becoming amused at the girl

"Why the frown?" He asked, as her shoulders dropped

"The hot, nice guys are always gay. That's why we straight girls get stuck with the douche's" Kendall bursted out laughing as her mother scolded her, turning to Kendall, about to apologize

"No worries, I needed a laugh anyway" Kendall found the girl to be very much like his sister, which he noted that he didn't even catch a glimpse of her today "So, you two can go right into that first booth; grab one of those right there" He said, pointing to the shelf of thin disposable bras; specially made for fitting "And I'll be right with you" The two smiled, before walking towards the fitting room as he went to go get a measuring tape.

"She's funny" Kendall snapped out of his daze, to see Logan coming back, with a green slushy in his hands

"I know, she reminds me of J- Katie" He quickly caught himself, and Logan ignored the little slip up

"Her and Katie could be twins" He knew fully that Kendall meant James, _not _Katie. He ignored it anyway, thinking that that would only upset him. Kendall laughed, knocking on the wall, and waiting for one of them to respond.

"Come in" Kendall sidestepped the curtain, holding the tape measure up

"Kay, I'm gonna need you to your arms up, making a T" She did as he said, as he bent to get her measurements

"So..., got a boyfriend?" She smiled as Kendall laughed, he knew that sooner or later this question was going to surface

"No" He answered, double checking her measurement before he moved on to the other

"So, anybody particularly special?" He laughed, she was not going to give this up so easily

"Kinda sorta, but we aren't on the best terms" He cannot believe that he's explaining his lovelife- no, no love life because he didn't think _romantically_ of James,no love life to begin with anyway.

"What, did you split his lip?" Kendall glanced up at her before, double checking her second measurement and moved onto the third, and she realized that he wasn't laughing along with her

"You did!" He quickly hushed her, seeing as she chose to raise her voice in surprise "Sorry" She apologized

"It's complicated alright?" He asked, as he firmly held the tape to one end of her shoulder

"What's his name?" She asked, as he jabbed Kendall in the side

"I can't believe this? You're how old? What are you a relationship counselor?" He teased, as he measured her

"I'm 13, and I want to be a wedding planner, although a relationship counselor sounds nice too" He chuckled with the girl, then realized that she was waiting for him to continue.

"His name is James. I mean, I don't like him like that, not romantically" He said, as the girl scoffed

"Oh, and my name is Jamie, I see the correlation" He chuckled, turning around as she slipped her shirt back on

"You guys have the same hair color, too" Shit, he really did not just tell her that!

"He must be hot, because I'm smoking" He chuckled,

"You and my sister Katie are so much alike" He said, she smiled and crossed her arms over her chest, as Kendall finished writing down her measurements on the form

"Anyway, when are you going to tell him that you are so much, desperately in love with him" Kendall glared at her as she mischieviously smiled

"Am not"

"Are too"

"Am not"

"Are too"

"Am not"

"Are too" Kendall jumped as her mother popped her head in and declared, then popped back out; talk about embarrrassment. Kendall was sure he was about 15 different shades of red right at this moment.

"Oh, my God" Kendall said, forehead in his palm, shaking his head

"Come on" He grumbled, calculating her measurements

"Just say it, pleaaaaaaaase?" She mumbled, poking her lip out with- NO! NOT THE PUPPY DOG EYES! He glared at her, but already he could feel his mean breaking. Won't...give...in-

"FINE! I think I at least like him" He mumbled, ducking his head in, as he looked for eavesdroppers "more than a...friend" A 13 year older had succumbed him to say that he liked James, more than a friend. She smiled proudly as he handed her mother the paper, and he poked her tongue out at her.

"YAY! The heavens have rejoiced" She threw her arms up as Kendall facepalmed himself, he's finally found Katie's twin. She danced around, earning odd stares from other customers, and Logan; oh great. Fun time explaing _that!_

* * *

><p>"You know, this is really nice" Logan told him as he walked out of the mall, towards Logan's car. Kendall smiled a bit, as he placed the bags he had in the trunk.<p>

"I'm guessing that our little talk is now, but I have a thing about that" Logan looked up at Kendall, afraid that Kendall wouldn't answer any of his questions

"Just, come to dinner, and after I have a talk with Katie, I can tell you and my mom together" He asked, sliding himself into the car, as Logan began backing out of the parking space.

"Alright" Logan agreed, it's like Kendall had a complete attitude change; maybe it's because of the little girl, and getting Kendall to 'admit his love' for James. Yes, he'd heard everything, and was clutching at his sides at how a 13 year old could bring 17 year old Kendall to wave the white flag of surrender. Kendall had stopped, and picked up chinese food; and since he was still processing to be on the store's payroll, Heidi gave him his commission in cash; so he had a little money for now.

As Kendall walked into the apartment, bags in his hand, he was attacked, little arms with a death grip. Surprised, and a little confused, he wrapped his arms around Katie, bear hugging her.

"I missed you, and I didn't get to see you before you left" She was worried, clearly evident on his face because her DS was still in the same place from last night

"Sorry, kiddo" He said ruffling her hair as she jabbed him in his side for doing so

"'s okay" She mumbled, standing on her tippy toes to see into the shopping bag that he had. She put her hand over her heart, and sniffled "Are they presents?" Kendall laughed at his little sister, and directed her to lay the chinese food out of the table.

"Yes, and they wait until after dinner" She pouted, as his mother came out, looking at him puzzled

"And where did these presents come from?" She asked, as Kendall placed them on the counter

"I got a job, first day was today; it was fun" He said, and Katie and his mom just stared at him as he and Logan sat down on the floor; passing boxes to each other. Katie and her mother glanced at each other before Kendall spoke again.

"You two gonna stand there and starve all night?" Katie stuck her tongue out as Mama Knight playfully rolled her eyes, before sitting down beside Katie. Before they knew it, the boxes were half full and everyone laughed at Kendall's poor attempt to use chopsticks, before he began to just skewer everything. It began to grow later, and later, until Kendall's humourous laughs began to grow more and more serious. He glanced over at Katie, more than a few times, wondering if he should tell her everything that he was going to originally tell Logan and his mother.

"Guys" With his mind decided, he chose to not keep his sister in the dark about everything; and he knew that before the night was over that tears were going to be shed "Um, we should probably have that little talk now" He said, regretting seeing Katie's playful smile slowly slide away, being replaced by a more serious look.

"Mom, like you said, you wanted me to be honest and you're gonna be honest" His brain was wracked, hands growing clammy, shaking and for a moment, he feels like he's going to ruin their lives. He unbuttoned his long sleeved flannel shirt, pausing. Was he really doing the right thing? Was he really about to put himself out there like an open book? To them? He continued, slowly rolling up his sleeves, as the dark, lines came into his view; slowly, he rolled his sleeves up to his elbow and did the same to the other. He dared a spare glance up, Logan looked regretful; his mother had tears in his eyes; and Katie's lip was turning purple as she angrily wiped away her tears. They weren't that bad, were they? He turned, to look at his own forearms. The pale white skin, with the dark red lines blaring in contrast; they weren't his arms, they looked like someone else's. He doesn't remember making so many cuts, he doesn't remember. He could feel his eyes burning to the thought.

"Kendall" His mother's voice was light, soft, _sad_.

"I didn't do...all of these" He stared at his forearms, he didn't...he didn't do _all_ of them; he just "I don't, I-I" It was like a revelation, like many of his scars became invisble to him at times. The times where he glanced at them, it didn't seem like so many. Kendall looked up to the both of them with glassy eyes, from his mom, to Katie, mom, Katie.

"I-I" He felt frozen for a minute; he glanced back at Katie and she kicked the table beside her, screaming and knocking the glass lamp to the floor; scurrying away to her room

"KATIE!" Kendall called, vision blurry as he looked at his mother

"I HATE YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU!" He heard her scream, he looked at his mother, tears still streaming; hoping, _preying_ that she wouldn't reject him, not now, not when he most needed her He felt himself being enveloped in warm arms as he broke down. He was a failure, he made his mother cry, his sister hates him, and he probably just lost the last friend he ever had; his dad was right. He was failure, that was all that he was ever going to be. He could hear his mother's sobs over his own.

"It's not your fault" She murmured to him, hugging him tightly to her. She let his happen, she let her son believe that he was the failure thather no good ex husband proclaimed he was. How could she? How could she be so much of a horrible mother to not even realize when her own child was suffering? It was her fault. She should've known, a mother should always know when something is wrong with her child. Always.

"I'm so sorry Mom, I never meant to, I'm so sorry" He sobbed, holding onto his mother tightly, like a child, looking for comfort from the darkness

"It's not your f-fault Kendall; I'm so, so sorry" She told him; she let him go, grabbing a hold of his chin, makign him look her straight in the eyes. His emeralds were glassy, and red, tear tracks staining his cheeks. "Kendall, I am so sorry that I didn't realize that the way you felt. Kendall, you're perfect, the way you looked after Katie and me when he left. You were still a baby yourself; I blame me for putting so much pressure on you, it's my fault because that's what you were: a kid. You shouldn't have had to do anything of the things that you did. I let you suffer, for so long because of my own fears. No matter whatever you do, I will always love you; because you are my son. You are _not_ a failure" She stopped, catching her breath, taking her free hand and wiping her tears away "You've taken care of me and Katie so long, that's not a failure; that's a _savior_. You are my son, and I will love you no matter what, you understand?" He nodded more tears streaming down his face as he clutched his arms around her again.


End file.
